A good thing or a bad thing?

So, I'm not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing.  This pregnancy is kind of flying under the radar.  When I was pregnant with Annika, my life centered around being pregnant.  Everything I did, everything I ate, everything I drank and everything I read was focused on pregnancy.  With Bianca, I was still able to focus on being pregnant.  I always knew what was developing at what point, how big she should be and how much weight she would gain this month.  With this pregnancy, the only thing I can tell you about this baby's development is that the outer genitalia are fully developed, and I only know that because I was hoping to see a little weenie at my 11 week ultrasound!  I honestly don't know how big the baby is, what's developing, and you can bet that I am drinking massive amounts of caffeine and eating loads of sugar!  When people ask how I feel, I want to say, "fine, how are you today?".  It takes me a moment to realize that they are asking me that because I'm pregnant!  Duh!  I seriously forget, well save for the fact that I am getting fatter by the day and my exhaustion level is rising to new extremes! 

I attribute my lack of attention to this pregnancy to my 2 girls that are right here in front of me.  It doesn't mean that I love this child any less, right?  I have every right, and obligation as a mother, to devote all of my attention to the 2 healthy girls I have with me right now.  Also, the fact that they take up every living minute of my day is a huge factor.  Even if I tried to read a pregnancy book, Annika would try to take it from me and look at the pictures.  So, it's lost on me how I could actually know what's going on inside my very own body.  Perhaps once this baby starts to move, and we can give him, or her, an identity, things will change.  Maybe once my belly extends far enough out where I can't touch my toes, I will have a change of heart.  Until then, I will continue to live my day to day life for Annika and Bianca (and Brian too).

I must mention also, that I have decided that being pregnant is not high up on my list of favorite things to do.  I mean really, the only enjoyable part to me is knowing that in 40 WEEKS I will get to hold this little miracle in my arms, and life can truly begin.  It's not to say that I'm not grateful and blessed with my ability to conceive and carry a healthy child, because I truly am.  Without that, I would have no Annika, and no Bianca.  In my mind, my life would be empty and quite boring (I love my husband and in now way mean that life with only him would suck).  So yes, I will endure the 40 WEEKS it takes to grow this little one, and try not to whine to much about it.  But, for now, I'm bitter because I'm fighting a cold and cannot take anything worth while, I am having a hard time sleeping due to a backache that is never ending, and I can't drink wine!   In my mind, my lack of attention to pregnancy #3 (not baby #3) is a good thing.

Comments

[Leslie Collins]

Love the new banner. Kristi did an amazing job. I can't do stuff like this either. Nicole is my woman for fun banners.

Hope you are feeling good.

I'll write more later...Housewives is about to start!!!!

[Kim]

I'm even finding this with pregnancy #2 - totally different. I swear, I knew every little thing of what was going on with Morgan's pregnancy and now I'm happy to get that Baby Center email once a week to see where I'm at! LOL

With M's pregnancy, I wanted to have names picked out by our 18 week ultrasound, this one - I figure it will just be easier if we wait and see what it is first! (Brad and I are at far ends of the earth with names, ay yi yi)

I think it's good actually, time passes faster when you are busy and let's face it, after the first, the whole process isn't quite so fascinating!