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October 25, 2007

Comments

Kim

With Morgan, I was probably 80% in hopes it was a girl because being raised with a mom and a sister, it's what I knew. I wasn't disappointed when we found out it was a boy, just nervous I wouldn't know enough about boy things. Now I realize how dumb that is LOL

This time around, I honestly don't care. Maybe because it's been a rough pregnancy?

This is totally out there but no matter what it is, when it's your last child (we are sticking with 2), I think there is a piece of me that will be sad that I didn't get to have that other boy or little girl, you know? Sounds totally selfish and ungrateful and I'm totally not but knowing you will be done after this one is a little bit sad!!

Nicole Barczak

I just wanted to add a reply to the other Nicole's post about the third child. That is a very interesting observation! I guess I've never really noticed it, but I can totally see why some people would think "Why?!" I came from a family of 3 kids, so 3 just seems like a "normal" family size (ok.. 2 or 3 kids). For us, 3 has always seemed right, so even if we were to have a boy and a girl, there's always a chance we'd have a third just because we've always pictured ourselves with 3 kids. I'm interested to see if people think that (if we were to have a girl next and decided to have a third child). And, even with the having two boys/two girls and having a third child... I don't think that I'd ever just "try" for the opposite gender just because, without wanting a third child regarless of gender. I think thats irritating to think of the third child as the last and final chance kwim? IMO, a family should WANT three kids regardless of gender. Granted, I don't think its wrong to hope for the opposite gender, and as Michelle said, it would seem normal to feel a little disappointment but as long as you have a healthy baby that should be ultimately what matters.

Ok.... this is totally rambling. The gist of this was... I thought those were great points that Nicole pointed out about a third child. :)

zoe

with my first 2 i totally did not care. with my 3rd i really really wanted a girl. i have 5 brothers no sisters. i knew i was having a boy even before the ultrasound...guess what...boy. i was disapointed for a fleeting moment but then i was ok. with my 4th i had just resigned myself to the fact that i was going to be a mother of 4 boys. i was thrilled when i found out i was having a girl. but i was even happier when i knew she was healthy as it was a HORRIBLE pregancy.

Denise H.

When I was young and before I started trying to get pregnant I always said that I wanted a boy first so that he can protect the little girls but as I got older and tried and tried to get pregnant. The thought of just having a baby was all that I cared about. It wouldn't matter to me if I were to have a boy, girl, twins, or triplets. I just want a baby! It kind of breaks my heart when I hear about those woman that are mad when they find out that they are having a boy when they were hoping for a girl. If they had any idea what many woman go through just trying to get pregnant they would feel ashamed at being so selfish.

Danielle

Hello! I found your blog from Nicole's blog...and I must say that this entry sort of hit home. I had a miscarriage about 2 months ago. When I found out I was pregnant, I wanted a girl. I hoped with all my heart it was a girl and so did husband. When I lost the baby, I felt guilty for wanting a gender, not a healthy baby. I know that I will still secretly hope for one or the other gender in the future, but I will very LOUDLY hope for a healthy baby!! Thanks for the very insightful post!!

Leslie A. Collins

Personally, I never cared either way. I just didn't want to miscarry or have something health wise wrong with the baby.

I probably wanted a girl a little more than a boy the first time, but I thought it was a boy. Jade was set it was a girl.

Next time around, I won't care either. As long as their healthy.

I think that it's totally fine if you have a strong preference over the other.

Have a great day. :)

Great topic.

Mary

Personally, I think a healthy baby is all that matters. I would be happy with either gender. Ever since I was little I did wonder what it would be like to have a boy (I have 2 sisters). But I would have been just as happy having a girl too. I do know of a couple people who are dead set on one gender over the other. To each his own...I can't judge :)

Nicole

I think with #1 I secretly leaned towards wanting a girl. Since #1 was a boy, with #2 I definitely wanted a girl - mostly to experience both genders. Ultimately, I would have been happy with two boys or two girls - as long as they were healthy and happy.

With pregnancy #1, ignorance was bliss - I didn't worry much about what could go wrong, and was just certain everything would be fine. With #2 I was far more paranoid and fearful about reaching milestones and delivering a healthy baby - for no really good reason. I think getting pregnant again would produce the same feelings.

I agree with Amy - I wouldn't judge anyone who preferred one gender over the other or who was disappointed in getting one gender over the other.

Here's one for you: I have noticed that when a couple has two or more children of the same gender, no one even bats an eye when the idea of having a third child comes up - afterall, why wouldn't they want to try for a child of the opposite gender? In our case, we have a child of each gender - when the topic of having a third comes up, people don't understand why we would even consider it . . . we already have one of each. We also get a lot of, "Wow - you are so lucky to have one of each!" Calling it lucky just seems so weird to me - we are tremendously blessed to have two happy and healthy children - their gender has nothing to do with it.

Very thought provoking!

Nic

Great post!

My thoughts on gender is this... I have always hoped I'd have the chance to raise both genders, and I always thought that if I had all boys or all girls I'd feel incomplete or something. Obviously, having a healthy baby was and is my #1 priority, but I think its totally normal to have an inkling of a desire for a certain gender at some point.

With Porter, I didn't care. I was so happy to be pregnant again that all I wanted was a healthy baby (I still have these same thoughts... I'm totally thankful to be able to get and stay pregnant).

Now, having a son already I do have my reasons for wanting a little girl next, even though I know we may possibly end up having 3 kids total so there are still 2 more chances, right? I would be 100% thrilled with either gender, as long as they are healthy and in my arms at the end of the 9 long months. But, in the meantime, aside from all the worrying and wondering and fretting about being pregnant and "Are they going to be healthy? Are they going to have health problems? Physical problems? Mental problems?" its fun to ponder what gender you may or may not have. Like I've listed on my blog... there are reasons as to why I'd love either gender, and thats the bottom line... I would LOVE either gender.

I think you are right, though. Even if you don't have a strong preference, most people at some point or another have some thought about what it'd be like if the baby were a boy, or if the baby were a girl.

As far as being disappointed, I am afraid to ever feel those feelings. I know that if we have another little boy, we'll probably go for a 3rd child (b/c we've always just felt like 3 was the right number) and I know that at that point I'd really (selfishly) be hoping for a girl- how awful is that? I hope that if that time does come around that I won't feel disappointed if we have a 3rd boy.. kwim? I like that you said ""I think it is a natural response when you envision something, and it doesn't turn out exactly that way."" I think thats a great perspective on it. Because before reading that, I'd have felt very ashamed at myself for even thinking that I'd have those thoughts in the future.

Kristi Sauer

I agree that having a healthy baby is the most important thing, but I can also see why some people might prefer one gender over the other...maybe they relate better to boys than girls or vice versa. After having multiple children, I don't think the gender is as big of a deal unless you already have all one gender. (In HS I dated a guy who had 8 older sisters...they kept trying for a boy and finally he was born!)

amy

i never cared either way, but i wouldn't judge anyone if she did.

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