TFT: A Plea for Help

Ok, so my TFT isn't necessarily a thought, it is more of a tiny huge plea for help. My youngest, we so lovingly call B, is a terrible sleeper. However, recently my concerns have increased. I feel that her sleep problems may be a psychological issue. I say this because she wakes up 1, 2 or more times a night, most of the time hysterically, and can only be consoled by picking her up, rocking her, etc. At one point, she could self-soothe, but that is completely out the window at this point.

Let me give some background. Brian and I have struggled with Bianca as a sleeper since the 2nd month. For the first 3-4 months, she slept in her baby papasan next to my bed because it was the only place she would actually sleep. We finally made the transition to the crib, which went ok, still not sleeping through the night though. I think she finally slept through the night around 5 months. Late by most people's standards. Even then, it was a struggle to get her to sleep. She didn't learn to self-soothe until around 6 months, but it wasn't all the time and it was very sporadic. Since 6 months of age, we have successfully done cry it out at least 6 times, as any little daily disruption (ie going to grandma's, etc.) would throw her completely off track, again. Now, within the last month or so, she's been waking shortly after bedtime, completely hysterical, shaking and what seems to be extremely fearful. It's the most terrifying thing to watch. Our pediatrician says she's at the age where nightmares and night terrors start, and really anything can cause a fear in such a young child, even if they aren't exposed to the normal "scary" things. I'm a little disturbed by the idea that my 9 month old is having nightmares, but have taken steps to ease them. However, recently she started waking during the night, several times and can't be consoled. She doesn't want to be in bed, she wants to be held, but not sleeping. I thought this was all brought on by her new teeth, but I'm beginning to think otherwise.

We haven't done anything different with Bianca. Annika is the perfect sleeper, slept through the night at 3 months old, takes wonderful naps, goes to bed, no problem. The only thing different, is Annika was in daycare from 6-12 months. Bianca has been brought up in the same loving environment. We are attentive to her needs, she gets consoled when she is upset, she gets fed when hungry, she is played with, cuddled, etc... Why does she wake up so afraid, or what it seems to be to me? My husband thinks that she acts this way because we have always been sooooo attentive. I usually go in there right away, where I could let her figure it out on her own. Which I have gotten better at. She is very spoiled in the way of attention. He also thinks she's having separation anxiety, she is never really away from me, ever! I must add, Bianca is usually a very happy little girl, she's got her moments of drama, but is always smiley, giggling and talking.

I am pretty close to calling either a sleep therapist, or a child psychologist to figure out what could be causing all of this. But, I thought I'd reach out to all of you in hopes you have some insight, some idea that we may not have tried, or even experience with this. I'm begging all of you to help my little B sleep (and me too)!

Comments

[simone]

I have no great words of wisdom, but I have this kid too and lived your exact life right now...seriously.
My kid would only sleep with someone near him for years and never knew why. The waking, night terrors, nightmares...I've seen it all too. If you are a SAHM, I would suggest altering her sleep schedule just a tad, some of these kids are "late people" and the early schedule just throws them off the loop.
Wish I had good news, but my little guy is 11 now and still gets up in the middle of the night, almost every night and we have seen 3 specialists about it too.
Good luck!!

[jen]

My only thought is this - does she go to sleep with any kind of object each night, like a stuffed animal or small blankie? My son has been snuggling the bumper pad every night for quite some time, and when its not on, he seems lost. I think they need something to snuggle. I can certainly understand why it would be upsetting to you - we don't like to see our babies frightened like that. Hope it starts getting better soon!

[Leslie A. Collins]

I wish I could help you. Maybe she is having nighmares? Have you tried to let her be and if so, how long does she cry for? It's funny how siblings can be so different. Keep me posted.

[Jenny]

Awww. I really wish I had some advice for you! Cadi went through a period when she was 4 months old where she woke up every 2 hours. People said the same thing to me that it sounds like you guys are thinking - it's because she isn't in daycare, it's because you're too attentive, etc. People always thought it was because of something we were/weren't doing. After a couple of weeks, Cadi just started sleeping better. We didn't change a thing - in her diet, in her bedtime routine, etc - it was almost as if she outgrew her sleeping problems. I guess my whole point is that you shouldn't blame yourself for something you're either doing or not doing. Sometimes us parents have very little effect on our children! lol! They are who they are and they go through what they're going to go through, no matter what we do. They're their own person. I hope this made sense. I just remember people saying to me that maybe Cadi wasn't sleeping well, because I was too attentive, and it made me feel shitty. And Cadi ended up sleeping fine on her own.

I'm so sorry your little peanut is having nightmares, possibly. That thought breaks my heart!! Good luck and keep us posted!!

[Nicole Barczak]

I'm at a loss for ideas. EEEK. Sorry! I hope someone has a suggestions for you! I'm always afraid that will happen with our next one.... Porter was pretty easy to get to sleep on his own etc... The only thing I can think is maybe you are right in that you attend to her needs too quickly? I dunno... Maybe try letting her work it out for 10-15 before going in to get her? But, you've probably already tried that. Sorry I can't be more help!

[Jessica]

What you are describing is almost exactly like what my girlfriend recently went thru with her 2 year old. Their pediatrician told them the same thing...Sounds like night terrors, and she'll probably outgrow them. Of course she didn't want to continue putting her daughter through that. They found a great sleep therapist, and it turns out that she has sleep apnea, so it's a really good thing that they discovered it and can help her!

I would look into a second opinion, just to ease your mind! Maybe she is just for some reason more prone to nightmares, but who knows...maybe another doctor would have a suggestion that you haven't thought of, and will help!

[jenny]

my little guy (19 months) wakes up every night. we put him in his bed when he falls asleep (or if by chance he falls asleep in bed), but it does not fail that he will wake up at some point during the night. sometimes he will lay back down and other times we end up taking him to bed with us. he has never woke up terrified like you describe. i know that i could have done things differently with my son to get him to sleep better (maybe) - but it seems as if you have tried everything. i don't have any advice but to just agree with you that maybe you should ask a professional about it. good luck!

[Kristi Sauer]

Oh sweetie, I wish I had some advice for ya.... this sounds like a situation that might require professional advice. What does the Ped. say??

[Kim]

This is just a little suggestion but what about a nightlight? It could be that when she wakes up, she is freaking out because she can't see where she is. I remember that happening to me when I was little.