Hey all you mommies, daddies and everyone in between. I need some help. I'm in somewhat of a rut these days. I feel like all I do is clean, yell at the kids for fighting, cook, clean, yell some more, clean a hell of a lot more and then pass out in bed at 8! What's the fun in all of that? At some point, I forgot to have fun being a mom to my kids. It's not fair either, they have fun all day. It bothers me that I've become just a cleaning lady, cook and parole officer. What I'd really like is to be "mom" again. That's where I need some help. I need help letting go of the mess and be ok with my kids eating cereal for dinner. Do you know how much more fun time there would be if I spent at least an hour less a day cleaning and gave up that hour of cooking dinner to play? We would all be happier. Bianca's worst time of the day is while I'm cooking dinner, which in turn makes it my crabbiest time of day too! I need tips to be less anal. Maybe I should start slowly. Spend just one day a week at first not cleaning or cooking dinner. Fridays would work, we order pizza on Fridays. Ok, so this has turned into a lot of rambling, more for my sake to journal all of this, but also to ask for help. I know most of you have gone through this, or are still going through this so I know I'm not alone in this.
On a more interesting note I have to post about funny things my kids do. Once again, this is mainly for me to look back and remember, but I thought you would enjoy it too.
Yesterday morning, Annika wrapped herself up in our curtains and said: "Look mom, I'm a hotdog!". I just about died laughing, where did she get this from? And yes, she calls me mom. I thought that started much later than 2 1/2! She is talking in perfect sentences now. It's crazy. This morning Brian said I love you to her, and she responded: "I love you too". She is just so perceptive to the English language. It's amazing to me. Yesterday she wanted some cheese and took some out of the fridge. I told her she needed to wait (I was busy with Bennett) and asked her to put it back. She didn't do it, so I said "Just throw it on that shelf", you know, a loose term used for put it there. Well, she took the cheese and threw it in the fridge. Don't you just love how kids translate what we say?
Bianca has become quite the talker. She still does her frequent screaming and grunting to get what she wants, but has learned that talking can be quite effective too (albeit her blood curdling scream may get her something faster in an attempt to shut her up). She can say more now, while she signs it. She says sister all the time since she adores Annika. She loves balls and will say ball all day long if she could. She says, pup pup, kitty, papa, grandma is maaamaaa. There are so many more, I just can't think right now. She is also our little climber and loves to run. Another new thing is she throws the best tantrums. Seriously, you'd be impressed. She kicks and hits and throws her face to the floor. It's great. We've instilled time outs to combat that type of behavior. I'm just not having that!
And Bennett, well he's walking! Just kidding. He did achieve a milestone yesterday though. He lifted his head 45 degrees while on his tummy. I know, baby steps huh? Well, I'm very perceptive to these tiny milestones being that he's a preemie. He still hasn't smiled at us. He's focusing a lot more these days though, which is nice. He's awake more, which means he's fussier, but that's ok. He's still sleeping 7 hours straight at night (7/8 to 2/3). What a good boy.
Alright, that's it for now. Here are some pics of my kiddos:
I have been feeling the same way. I just haven't had it in me after work to do anything. She also wants everything as I'm making dinner. I get were I feel I have to jam pack everything into the time I have before she needs to go to bed and everything on my stupid anal schedule. I was pretty bad for a while just letting her watch movies all afternoon. The past week we have been doing the park thing almost every day and I think we are both feeling good about the fresh air. Hopefully it is just an end of the winter funk.
Posted by: Robyn | May 03, 2008 at 09:16 PM
Funny you posted this because I have been feeling the exact same way. You got some great ideas from everyone and I may have to try some :) My oldest is heading to preschool soon and my time with him is dwindling. I already miss him even though I am excited he'll be going! I'll have a new little guy and my 2.5 y/o though to keep me busy.....Being a Mama is hard hope you are feeling better :)
Posted by: Brannon | May 03, 2008 at 05:46 PM
i don't get home until 5 and that never leaves enough time for everything to get done. i've learned to let things go and focus on what is more important. while tucker and i play, i will sneak in certain things.
for example, during bathtime, i'm in the bathroom (which is where our laundry is) and i will do some of that and clean the bathroom (if needed) while he plays in the tub. when i have to vaccum or anything, i ask him if he wants to help me clean or 'dust' and i give him a duster to go around wipeing things off with. it keeps him busy while i'm getting something done. if i am working on the computer, i sit him at the table with me and he colors or plays playdoh and i am right there to help him, but still get what i need done. oh, and now that it is getting nicer - we go outside as much as possible. screw the housework!
i don't know, somehow it all works out and things are kept up. some things i just wait until he's in bed or the weekend to get done. the cleaning can wait, but the time you will never get back is with your kids! i'm rambling here...sorry!
Posted by: jenny | May 02, 2008 at 10:09 AM
I was in a big rut from November-February. I felt very lonely and it made me cranky and not happy. I had one best friend move south, one best friend go back to work full time and Casey and Jake fought all day long, I was going insane. Oh yeah, it was the winter too!
I can't pinpoint any one thing that I did to get out of it, it was a couple of things. I signed up the kids for some new classes. We joined Kindermusik. It's music classes for younger kids (infant-age 7). My kids enjoy it and I like music so we have used what we learn in class and do it at home together (the class tuition fee provides CDs, a workbook and instrument, like a harmonica and drum). We look forward to our classes on Mondays and Tuesdays.
Then in February we traveled to Wisconsin for a funeral and the day of the funeral my sister went into labor and had her first child. Our 3 day trip turned into a 7 day trip so that I could spend 4 days with my sister/bil and new nephew. Chris watched the kids while staying at my moms house. Those 4 days of him watching them alone made a world of a difference in Jake and Casey's moods and attitudes. They were better. I was thankful for whatever Chris did (or didn't do). It worked.
Next I tried to get outside with the kids whenever it was nice. Getting fresh air and getting away from the house helps me not worry about all the messes. Or I go to the mall and somehow all the stress is lifted away and I can give my kids the attention they desire.
Try and let the dishes go until after dinner (a few days out of the week). Cleaning up after each meal gets so boring and time consuming. Who cares if hubby comes home to pile of cereal bowls, half eaten sandwiches and sippy cups. I've done it numerous times and feel really guilty about it but my sweet husband doesn't get on my case and we get it done after dinner.
During the dinner hour my kids go nuts and want my attention. If I can I have Jake play on the computer, he goes to pbskids.com or noggin.com (soon Annika will be ready to learn to do it herself), Casey helps with the cooking. I let her participate where she can. When she cannot help I give her some stacking cups and she plays, if I add a little water to them she likes to pour them back and forth into each other.
We save the major house cleaning for Saturday mornings. Together Chris and I tackle the laundry, sweeping, mopping, vacuuming and bathroom cleanup. Sometimes he works Saturdays so we get done what we can on Friday nights and I pick up the slack on Sat morning. It just makes things go smoother during the week.
I know what your feeling, and it's not fun. You want to be with the kids more but so many things pull you into different directions. When they were babies it was easier because the slept more and they didn't need so much attention and interaction. But raising a toddler and preschooler very close in age brings many challenges. If you can pull out something you haven't played with in a long time you'll be surprised at the attention span they will have for it.
Hope your days get better and your able to switch things around a bit.
PS. Have you heard of MOPS? Mothers of Preschoolers
Posted by: Chanley | May 01, 2008 at 09:09 PM
I so hear ya..I am in a rut too. I had the horrible thought the other day as I lay exhausted after a day of work, cooking dinner, putting Ethan to sleep, cleaning...what is the point of having more kids? I don't get any time with him...but then I realized I wouldn't trade the small amount of time that I DO get!!
Someone once told my mom "Each day is one day less"...so I try to remember that when I feel I need to tackle the pile of dishes instead of playing with Ethan...when I look back, what am I going to remember...my clean kitchen, or the wonderful times I had with my little guy?! So I try to let things go as much as possible...as long as things are still "sanitary" clean...but it's hard for us neat freaks!
Love the "hot dog" story...too cute!
Posted by: Hilary | May 01, 2008 at 11:59 AM
It's so hard for me to just let things go sometimes. I am constantly picking up after Reyna, too. There have been times where I just make myself sit down and do a puzzle of play with her. She loves having my undivided attention.
On Monday's and Tuesdays I am gone until 5 with work. By the time I get home and get settled in, Reyna is ready for a bath and not dinner and bed. It's too late to make a healthy meal. WHat I have been doing it preparing stuff during the morning when she is in a better mood. I put together a pan of lasagna last week in the morning. It was ready and all we had to do was warm it up when we got home. ALso, I love my crock pot. Or, I will put something together in the am and leave it raw and all Jade has to do is throw it in to bake when he gets home and it's ready a lot sooner.
I love the pictures. Annika in the carrier is too cute. B's hair is getting so long. She looks like a toddler as opposed to a baby.
I was definitely laughing at the hot dog comment. Way too funny. Annika is so smart!
Posted by: Leslie Collins | May 01, 2008 at 11:50 AM
I say let some of the cleaning and stuff go! There will be plenty of time for a clean house someday! Trust me - though it has taken me 8 years to figure this one out!
Have some fun today!
Posted by: amy | May 01, 2008 at 10:17 AM
Annika in the baby carrier.......too cute and too funny! he he he
Michelle, you aren't alone with the "mom rut". You should see what gets let go at my house during the week. I all but die if I know someone will be coming by during the week because my house looks like a bomb went off! But for me to enjoy the little bit of a window that I have with my little guy and my guy during the week, I've had to give up the anal cleaning. MTW I do none of it other than the dishes! Same thing with the laundry...I let it go until the end of the week. And dinner, well if I don't have something to make we ordered out because it's just too hard to stop on my home from work some days. I went through months of being miserable when I went back to work. From about 4pm-8pm every night Iwas MISERABLE. It would end with me in tears all because I felt I couldn't balance stuff. That's when I had to just let things go. It's tough but you have to do what works for you! I think we're all in the same boat to some degree :)
Posted by: Mary | May 01, 2008 at 08:24 AM
Also, I love my crockpot!
Posted by: Kim | May 01, 2008 at 08:22 AM
Oh sister, I have to convert you to the way of freezer cooking, seriously it makes life SO much easier!!
You cook a couple meals a week but cook double which isn't that big of a deal then freeze the other portions for the next week, or whenever. Then all you have to do it take it out, defrost it, maybe cook some veggies and you are done!
I also set aside 1-2 days for easy meals, grilled cheese and soup, scrambled eggs and toast etc. I give Morgan some fruit and/or veggies with it and all is good.
At this time in your life, you don't have the time or energy to cook for an hour!! Also, alot of the time (and this will definately change when Morgan/new baby are older), I get him fed and we eat after he's in bed. I do sit with him and talk while he eats so it's not like he's alone but it takes the pressure off and lets me spend more time with him after he's done eating and before bed.
Posted by: Kim | May 01, 2008 at 08:20 AM